the dummy that i am

I don't know why but for some unexplainable reason I just want to put that as the title.
It may be related to the post, but most probably not.


Today marks the end of my 2/5 final exams this month, I'm not excited AT ALL since well, i am under SO MUCH PRESSURE for these exams (worth 50% each) and not doing so well in the past 2. ME <-- dead man walking :\


So yea, after the exam today me and 2 of my friends went out for dim sum. MAN it was suppa good. We had Siu mai, har gow (don't know if i spelled those 2 right), rice with minced pork i think, custard bun, pork ribs and a few other dishes :9 
It was snowing a lot too ! I've always been fascinated by snow but when it starts making the sidewalks slippery, uh uh not a fan. So all of us walked home as quickly as we could and our plan for the day is .... (not surprising to all) STUDYING, after slacking off a lil' of course.


For me, slacking means, hmm.. watching the online episodes of GLEE, THE MENTALIST, GOSSIP GIRL, GREY'S ANATOMY. lots of catching up since i wasn't able to watch any of em during the week. Oh and I also checked out the BIG BANG THEORY, it's HILARIOUS !! will put that on my list of TV shows to watch i guess. Then, after all that catching, here I am, posting away some nonsense just for the sake of having something to do. *random thought* it gets dark so early over here, it's only 5 yet it feels like it's so late. then i get lazier, more drowsy and less productive really early. 


... done with the story of the day section. more into the 'private' stuff. it won't be private anymore when i publish this eh ? that's ok, since not that many people read this thing anyway. truth is, I'm worried... about my grades, about myself, about things...
Some people simply expect that i'll do well, it's not like they say it right onto my face 'I want you to get an 80 average' or smthing like that, but it's like when I get a 60/70, they'll ask, 'was it hard?' 'what did your friends think?' and some other questions that make me feel so down inside, or when I say 'i think i did badly', they'll say 'nah, that's impossible' or 'u'll do great as always'. THEN when i get crappy grades... meh T___T
I am stressing over my grades for physical chemistry now since I did so poorly on my midterm, barely a 60 T_T it's really ironic cause I chose chemical engineering because I like CHEM, and now i'm flunking it. GAH i need to stop being a perfectionist. 


then.. ME
People who know me know that I'm not so much of a people person,
I can't come up to some guy/girl and strike up a conversation or just talk freely with someone I just met unless i feel comfortable with them. I think that's why most people think i'm quiet and I'm doing my very best to change that.it's just that it's so,freakishly hard sometimes. 


finally... FRIENDS
I don't know, it seems like i haven't found my solid group of close friends here. i hang out with people here and there but no close-knit groups. they're all REALLY2 nice people, but I guess i'll give it some more time? My friends back home seem to have moved on, so maybe I should start doing that too :)


The most honest post so far and I'm quite happy I got these thoughts out of my head.
I AM A DUMMYYYY




ciao